I just thought you guys should know

He sat nervously, as was his default disposition, with his leg jittering uncontrollably and the uneven, cigarette-stained fingernails of his right hand rapping audibly on the tabletop. "Finally!", He exclaimed, as he saw 3 other young men approach.

"You're late." He said dissaprovingly.

"We're always late." said the ravenhaired one.

"That does not make it okay every time."

"Of course it does, as we are always late, there is a pattern, thereby making it possible for you to predict the actual time we would be arriving, thus, in conclusion, one might say you were early."

"For shame." added the guy to his left, who looked rather unhealthy, and as if sleep had eluded him that night.

At this the nervous one looked a little perplexed, then shook his head vigorously, as if shaking of cobwebs, then he reinstated his grey denim cap into its original position, before it was dislodged by the violent shaking, and he solemnly hem-hemmed and scraped his throat, a sure sign for his friends that some odd story was about to be related to them.

With a dignified look and his chin slightly raised, he began:

"I have called you all here today because..."

Immediately he was interrupted by the third of his companions.

"You didn't call us here today, it's sunday brunch, we're always here."

An irritated glare and a disdainful shake of the head (followed once more by a reinstating of the grey denim cap aforementioned) answered this rude interruption, a clear case of lese-majesté as far as he was concerned (he WAS sitting at the head of the table.). Without dignifying his friend with a spoken reply, he continued:

"BECAUSE I have an important announcement to make." He paused dramatically, raising his chin even further into the air in an attempt to look dignified, but unfortunately he more looked as if he had smelled something rather unpleasant.

"You had sex in the middle of the street with a monkey? Again?" said one.
"You got so drunk your pants fell down, but you didn't care and danced around anyway?" said the second.
"You followed two strangers to what you thought was a bar, but turned out to be an underground sauna?" finished the third.

With a wrinkle of his nose and a puckering of his lips, our hero showed his discontent and he answered rather inflamed:

"It was not in the MIDDLE of the street, and it was a Morrocan, not a monkey!"
"They were not ALL the way down!"
"Shut up!"

Thus all 3 scoundrels were rebutted, and with his majectic dignity recovered, he hem-hemmed once more and continued.

"As you all know, I have been dating someone for a few weeks now. He is a perfectly respectable person, charming, nice, intelligent, ..."

"And with a big butt, just the way you like it..." broke in the unfresh looking one.

"... attractive, and very generous and kind to me. I regret to announce..."

"You broke up." said the raven haired one.
"He dumped your ass." said the unfresh one.
"You are no longer dating?" asked the third one, unable to keep the eagerness out of his voice, since the subject of the conversation was quite the dish.
"we got engaged." blurted out the nervous one.

A general awed silence ensued. Many things had been told around this table, ranging from the pitiful to the absurd, the tragic to the hilarious, but this one took the cake (though their Ocassional Breakfast did not include cake).

"Engaged? You've known him for 2 weeks, tops."
"I know! It wasn't my idea!"
"Oh God, I feel a migraine coming on. How do you always do these things?"
"I didn't do anything!"
"You must have at least said yes, you cannot get engaged against your will" said the third one.
"Unless you're one of them monkey women." interrupted the unfresh one.
"This is no time for comically exaggerated racism!" insisted the raven haired one.
"Look, it went like this: he took me out to dinner, I suspected nothing, it wasn't even such a classy place, but it was packed. I was sort of not paying attention to what he was saying, cause this hot waiter was just bending over to pick up a spoon and I was making superfunny jokes about spooning in my head, you know, like to myself, because jokes about spooning a random stranger while you're on a date really aren't appropriate until he's had at least 3 glasses of wine and there's a chance he'll be willing to play along..."

"Could you please get to the point!!" said the third one.

"Sheesh, I am, mister impatient. Anyhow, I was thinking about spoons and pig-roasting when he took my hand and I looked and he was totally ON. HIS. KNEES! I thought he'd lost a spoon maybe, but then he says... Get this, he says: I know we've only known each other for a short time, but I cannot imagine the rest of my life without you. Will you marry me?"

"Noooooooo, he didn't!" screeeched the third one.

"He did!"

"What did you say?"

"What could I say???? He is sitting there, a blissfully happy look on his face, a tear running down his cheek, with about two dozen people looking at us, all expecting me to say yes. So I said yes..."

"But do you want to marry him?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why on earth did you say yes?"

"It seemed rude not to. I blame my mother, she raised me to always be polite and I've not been able to refuse anyone anything ever since I was a kid..."

"Which explains your popularity at Red&Blue..." threw in the unfresh one.

"This is my mother's fault. Oh My God, I bet this is why she and my dad got married: he asked and she was too polite to say no. And look how that turned out!

"So what is it you want from us exactly?"

"I need bridesmaids."

"And we're the closest you could come up with?"

"If Aaron Spelling taught me anything, it's that bridesmaids are supposed to be awful bitches that will try to have sex with my husband-to-be the day of the wedding. You guys will be just perfect."

"Uh. Thank you?"
"Hmmmmm."
"Your ring looks really gay."
"I know, it was his grandmother's"