I've got some big news

That morning, on a quiet street corner.

"I'm not trying to disgust you or anything, I'm just saying."
"No, I understand."
"After all, people need to be able to talk about their problems don't they?"
"Of course."
"So, here goes... My boyfriend and I are having sexual problems."
"Are you now?"
"Yes."
"..."
"I never thought this would happen, you know."
"Well, any relationship cools down after a while. You must try to keep the spark going."
"Cools down?! I wish!"
"I do not follow."
"He's an insatiable maniac!"
"..."
"I'm practically dehydrated! The man won't leave me alone! I must be the only man with whose anal stretchmars have stretchmarks of themselves!"
"..."
"And as if he is not horny enough in daily life, he also has an odd fetish."
"Shoes?"
"What?"
"Shoe fetish?"
"No, why would you think that?"
"... Some men get turned on by a nice shoe. One with a big heel. Black and shiny. Smelling freshly polished... Sleek..."
"..."
"So ... not shoes then."
"No."
"I was just guessing."
"Alright."
"Do go on."
"Peninsulas."
"... What?"
"He gets horny from the word peninsula."
"..."
"I swear!"
"You are trying to fool me aren't you?"
"No, really."
"... Explain... please... explain."
"I don't have an explanation, whenever he hears the word peninsula he turns into a rabid beast, he literally tears the clothes off my body and has his way with me, his hands groping all over, hos tongue exploring every inch of my body and a lot of inches inside it too! His fingers pry me open and slide..."
"I really do not feel the need to know all the details."
"What? Oh yes, sorry, I got carried away there for a moment."
"So, you don't like it when he's so beastlike with you?"
"I wouldn't say that, it's just so exhausting sometimes. And inappropriate at times."
"Inappropriate?"
"Well, believe it or not, the word peninsula is said a lot more than one would expect."
"Is it really?"
"Yes, really."
"..."
"For example, a few months ago we had dinner with my parents. Nice people, they had a tough time accepting my sexual orientation, but they came around."
"That's very nice of them."
"Isn't it?"
"It really is."
"And they like my boyfriend too, or I should say, they USED TO like him."
"Should you now?"
"Yes, I should."
"..."
"See, at this dinner they also invited my uncle Herm, who is a minister, also a nice enough man, but a tad old fashioned, you know the type."
"I have an uncle Herm too."
"Do you? What a coincidence!"
"He isn't a minister though."
"Isn't he?"
"No."
What is he then?"
"He works for the phone company."
"Well, that's a nice honest job as well."
"It is."
"Now where was I?"
"Dinner with your parents and uncle Herm."
"Ow yes, thank you."
"Not a problem."
"So we are at dinner and my parents are telling me about their vacation they took, they had just come back you see."
"Did they? Where did they go to?"
"Pilio."
"I do not believe I know it."
"It's in Greece."
"Lovely country."
"Couldn't say, I've never been."
"Me either, but I imagine it to be rather lovely."
"Oh yes, the pictures are very lovely."
"So, go on."
"Well, dinner is very nice, we talk about what they did and when we get to dessert, uncle Herm says 'Say, Pilio is an island , is it not?' and my mother says 'No Herm, it's a peninsula.' I swear, I was terrified, because I could see my boyfriends eyes widen and his crotch bulge."
"Oh dear."
"Oh dear indeed! Before I knew it he had me in the downstairs bathroom, pants around my ankles and he kept screaming 'I am going to go Gibraltar on your ass.'"
"Gibraltar?"
"Another peninsula."
"I see."
"I was mortified and kept trying to make him stop, but he really is a beast in these conditions."
"Did your parents know what was going on?"
"Well, in his passion he neglected to close the door, so they had quite a show."
"Oh dear."
"Indeed. My mother is still mentally incapble of throwing a formal dinner party. She tried to have just a simple Fish and Chips get together with her sister, but she broke down sobbing half way through."
"Poor woman."
"Isn't she? My father took it rather well, he mumbled something about his time in the army, but I am not entirely sure what he meant by that, maybe it was the shock."
"..."
"And Uncle Herm positively refuses to speak to me anymore!"
"That is terrible."
"Isn't it?"
"It really is."
"So, afterwards I had a serious talk with him, avoiding any mention of peninsulas and even islands, just to be on the safe side, though I did say something about penis and insult rather fast after each other and that nearly got him going again."
"..."
"Anywho he promised to never act like that in public again."
"That's something."
"Yes, I thought it rather sweet. He really is a sweet man."
"I can see that."
"Thank you."
"That's alright."
"And he did, for quite a while, until yesterday."
"Yesterday."
"Yesterday, my friend Anne came over. Lovely girl, but unlucky in love and all. All her men cheated on her and used her for sex."
"Such a shame what some men stoop to."
"Isn't it?"
"It really is."
"She said she had become convinced that the only man she could be around without having to worry about sex, was me, being a gay one."
"Shame she's so bitter, how old is she."
"She only 22."
"Real shame to be so bitter at such a young age."
"Isn't it?"
"It really rather is."
"So, we talk and my boyfriend is around, but he gives us our friend space, you know."
"Very nice of him."
"Indeed, very nice."
"Suddenly, Anne looks on her watch and says she hadn't realised how late it was and that there was a program on the telly she wanted to see and it was about to start, so of course I say she can watch it on our telly."
"Very kind of you."
"It's only natural."
"Indeed."
"So she turns it on and I ask 'What is it about Anne?' and she says 'The most beautiful peninsulas of the world.'"
"Oh dear..."
"Oh dear indeed! I was anxious, but he seemed to be in control and he bravely attempted to hide his erection, which is no small matter."
"Hiding it?"
"His erection is no small matter, so hiding it isn't either."
"..."
"Problem was, Anne kept talking and saying things like 'is that not the most beautiful peninsula you ever saw' and 'peninsula is such a funny word' and she kept on going like that."
"Oh dear."
"Indeed!! Half way through the show he shouts ' I cannot stand it any longer, I must have you now!"
"Oh my."
"And then he did! On Anne"s lap! She shrieked all the way through."
"Oh my..."
"She joined a woman's group this morning. Shaved her head bald as an egg and threw out her LadyShave."
"..."
"So you can see why I am a tad razzled today."
"I can."
"Anywho, how did we get into all this again?"
"I said: here you go sir, would you like sugar on your waffle?"
"Oh no thank you, just plain please."